Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Oh, My Heart

Mia has really been struggling. She is having a hard time making friends. It is hard when you move into a small community where everyone has known (or is related to) everyone else since they were babies. The girls in both her church class and school class are happy to simply play with the kids they have known.
I had thought that everything was going well. Jared was the one I was worried about making friends. I had fasted that all of the kids would make friends, but I really focused on Jared. He is thriving. Mia, on the other hand is not.
A few weeks ago, we were having our Family Night treat and I asked the kids to give me an update: what did they like about school and what are they struggling with. The boys were all doing wonderfully. They all really like school and their struggles are simple things, like; I wish I had a longer recess or I don't like to do homework. Mia told us at the table that she hated school and she wished she never had to go to recess. The only thing she liked about South Summit Elementary was her teacher. She didn't have any friends and no one wanted to be her friend. I was pretty surprised.
I had an appointment with her teacher, (it turns out it was for the next day, but I somehow got my days mixed up) so I went in to talk to her. When I told Mrs. Blazzard what Mia was feeling, she said, "Oh. That breaks my heart." As a result, I started to cry. This is my little girl who loves school and now she doesn't want to go. Mrs. Blazzard said that she had been having difficulty already with the girls in her class being friendly and she had put some things in place, hopefully to help them become friends. She also said that Mia has been sitting by boys and she changed that. Mia had a great day the next day. She sat by Molly and they had fun together. I thought things were getting better.
Fast forward to yesterday. When Mia was eating breakfast, she kept saying her throat hurt. I suggested she drink some water - sometimes my throat hurts first thing in the morning. A little bit later, she said her stomach hurt. Being the compassionate and loving mom that I am, I told her that it was probably because she was hungry and for her to hurry because she was going to be late. As Mia and Gordon were headed out the door, I noticed that Mia was crying. She didn't want to talk to me about it. I went with her outside, so we could have some privacy and asked her what was going on. (Sometimes I think I must be so obtuse.) She told me that she hates going to school. That it is too hard to go without any friends. She said that she can't even play 4-square because she doesn't understand their rules. Everything is so different from Fox Hills. My heart broke for her. I thought she would be okay once she got to school (again with being obtuse). I told her that if things didn't get better during the day, I would come and pick her up and she could come home. I didn't get a phone call all day so I thought things were okay. When I picked the kids up from school, Mia handed me a note from her teacher, asking me to call her. Mia said she didn't know what it was about. Then she burst into tears and said, "I'm so sorry!" Of course I didn't know what she was talking about. She said, "I'm sorry. I was feeling so sad and I cut my hair." I just laughed about it - seriously, it is just hair. She didn't like me laughing about her hair.
Anyway, I was trying to figure out what was going on inside her little mind and her teacher called. She told me what I had already figured out - that Mia is really having a hard time at school. We are trying to figure out how to help her make friends. Every part of me wants to tell her yes, I will home school you. I don't know if that will teach her to run from her problems or if it will help her. Honestly, I am at a loss as to what I can do. I hate that she is struggling so much. She came into my room and just started sobbing. "It's no fair that we had to move to Kamas. I just wish we could go back to West Valley." It is a little bit hard for me too, because I can't say that I haven't felt that way since the move - not every day but I do at times feel like I wish we could have just stayed in West Valley. But, this is where we live now and we can either long for what we had or be happy for what we have.
Mrs. Blazzard did tell me that Mia said the only kid she likes playing with is Kameron. I asked if Kameron was a boy or a girl and he is a boy. I asked if he was a good kid and she said he is. I suggested to Mia that she get his phone number and we could invite him over to play. I also put her to bed earlier, since I think that is part of why she had such a bad yesterday. I really hope today goes better for her. I have been tearing up about this ever since yesterday morning.


mommaquincy said...

That is soo hard! I remember Jenny coming home from Kindergarten saying that nobody likes short people. I told her that she should look for someone who looked like they needed a friend and to make friends with them. She had made friends with the tallest girl in her class. They were friends all through school.

MDawg said...

Aww! It's hard not being able to control what happens to your children! Making friends takes time, I think. But it's hard to wait until a close friendship develops. Maybe help Mia learn how to play four square so she can be involved with that. It's sounds like a good idea to invite kids over. Maybe when they are separated from the group they'll be more accepting?

Sharon said...

I have a college student feeling a little bit this way, so I understand! The life lesson of being new and finding your place is an important one. I'd definitely invite kids over to play, where she feels most comfortable on her own turf. Maybe you can talk to one of the Activity Days moms and set up something, or maybe one of your other kids has a friend whose sibling is in Mia's class & could make a connection that way.

A lot of Mara's closest friends in elementary were boys. She just seemed to click better with them sometimes.